Stained Glass Masquerade

by Casting Crowns
Album: Lifesong

Is there anyone that fails?

Is there anyone that falls?

Am I the only one in church today, feeling so small?

Cause when I take a look around

Everybody seems so strong

I know they'll soon discover

That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's ok

If I make em all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too

So with a painted grin, I'll play the part again

So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Several months ago a friend and I were discussing people, friendships, coworkers, church and life in general. He was expressing his absolute frustration and dismay that his non-Christ following co-workers were so much more open and accepting of him than those people he went to church with… I must admit, that leaves me looking around wishing to say to passersby “can’t you hear me?”

*There I am standing on a busy sidewalk motioning with my hands and speaking only to find that no one hears. That nothing is really coming out of my mouth, I’m just moving my lips.*

I think this falls into place with a song I have wanted to share, but haven’t had opportunity to do so. Are we happy plastic people? Are we so closed off we can’t hear our brothers and sisters standing right next to us? They are crying out for someone to care, someone to make an effort. Yes, it’s much easier to answer “oh I had a great week” or “I’m good, how are you?”

But wait, that’s so surface and superficial, where’s the heart of the matter? Do we walk in to the sanctuary With walls around our weakness/ And smiles to hide our pain.

How sad it is that we live in this picture perfect world of Christianity that suggests we don’t hurt, or suffer, or need a shoulder to cry on—how sad it is that those who need us so much only see our masquerade.

Only when no one is watching

Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free

If I dared to let you see

The truth behind the person

That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open

Or would you walk away

Would the love of Jesus

Be enough to make you stay….

"Only Hope"

There's a song that's inside of my soul

It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again

I'm awake in the infinite cold

But You sing to me over and over again

So I lay my head back down

And I lift my hands

and pray to be only Yours

I pray to be only Yours

I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars

Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing

and laughing again

When it feels like my dreams are so far

Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

And I lay my head back down

And I lift my hands and pray

To be only yoursI pray to be only yours

I know now you're my only hope

I give You my apathy

I'm giving You all of me

I want Your symphony

Singing in all that I am

At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

lyrics by Switchfoot

Jeremiah 29:11-13

Struggles

Life can be broken down into the different struggles we face.

How interesting.

I find myself posting once again with the book of James as the "inspiration."

Last week I chatted with a friend of mine about one of my (many) struggles. It's quite silly actually. Many times we bargain with God... "Dear Lord, thank you for [insert blessings here]. Please take care of Uncle Bob, make him well, support his family. Oh and God, if I do this for you (i.e. be kind to someone who is hateful, read my bible, memorize scripture etc.) will you do this for me (find me a house, make life easier, fix all my problems)."

I don't find that God likes people to bargain with him, it's his way, that's it. Yes, sometimes he gives us what we have asked for despite the fact that in reality we don't need it and sometimes we will regret the request later.

But to be a bit more personal, the struggle I was dealing with again was the regular and consistent reading of my Bible. To take that time alone with God and really enjoy, listen and learn from the God that has saved me from so many accidents (literal and figurative).

Why is it so hard to read the Bible? Why when I know how much I truly like doing so and how much I see God speak to me when I do?

I've identified two reasons--because that's what one does if one is me--analyze. 1- I fear God will ask of me something I do not wish to do. I have given so many things to God, he has control over the job I have, over the money I earn, friendships I have and here I sit afraid that the God that has safely seen me travel thousands of miles, given me a house to live in, food to eat, a family that loves me and innumerable other things... *sputter, sputter* but if God asks me to mend a relationship I am not ready to work on... "hold everything! can't do that God, sorry, I'm going to go hide over there in the corner, but thanks for asking."

2-There is another barrier I put there, of course, "if I read my Bible, will you make [this happen]?" I detest that very thought, it makes me sad and ashamed that for one minute instead of doing the very little I believe God is asking me to do right now, I'm saying... "I expect to see a specific return on this investment." Or what? Who am I to give ultimatums to God?

You know what my wise friend said after I finished spilling my guts? "Don't let anything keep you from reading the Bible."

Hmm... lame excuses abound... when will we get over them and do what we should? I feel as if someone needs to drop a sign on my head (no not literally God, because I'm sure it'd be a doozy and I'd be sorry for even stating it).