Wednesday, September 28, 2011

“[…] in the moment when I truly understand my enemy—understand him well enough to defeat him. Then in that very moment, I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody what they want, what they believe and not love them like they love themselves and in that very moment when I love them…

“You beat them.” For a moment she was not afraid of his understanding.

“No you don’t understand. I destroy them, I make it impossible for them to every hurt me again. I grind them and grind them until they don’t exist.”

Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Fit for this job…

Yesterday at work I began to question further my ability to work with children in high stress situations.

Why? Well because there were two young people in the library. A dating couple, the young man was rather loud and in her face. The young lady was quiet, and flinched when he got so close I could barely see air between them.

Clearly they have a history. I do not pretend to know it all, but what portions I do know based upon their frequent visits and my instincts, suggests a less than pleasant relationship. So after his exit and return from the building (at least ten times) and a brief conversation with her in the bathroom, I called the police.

You see, I left my position at the circulation desk while he was barring her way into the bathroom… walked straight up to them and stated, “You need to let her go.” In that split second wherein the words left my mouth and I began to question my ability to MAKE him let her go, I realized I had no way of truly defending her, or myself. He isn’t a big guy (praise the Lord) and he had enough sense to let her go. But still, he was angry and I didn’t have any other words to say.

I just don’t know if I am capable of dealing with that kind of incident with parents involved, or even with several youth or children. I mean really, I get seriously emotional. Not just tears, but anger and frustration.

That aside, in a library filled with people I am beyond baffled that not one other person bothered to step up and help that girl.

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

“Or is it that man contains within himself the seeds of evil. That even if he is placed in a paradise perfectly formed for him, he will poison it, slowly with his own jealousies and desires. I fear it may be that we blame the prison for our own corruption […].”

“Incarceron” by Catherine Fisher

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

"Work began immediately in typical American style, without too much paperwork or bureaucratic fuss." Around the World in 80 Days by Jules Verne


(Currently I am listening to all manner of class literature available through the library, I heard this statement and chuckled... doesn't that make 1873 sound preferable to our current state of affairs is Washington with concerns to all things political and financial for our country? Sounds good anyway...)

It got better: "The speed with which the track was laid would not at all affect the quality of its construction."

Ah yes, speed and quality ;-)

Friday, October 15, 2010

The Christian’s dilemma

Conversation allows for outlet, conveyance of ideas, and sometimes the beginning of action.

Scenario:

You know a family in need. So for those who are of a giving nature, or who are generous, the response ought to be to help wherever you can. Makes sense, right? Love God, love people… love is action.

Broaden the scope of your view and you see that: The need is perpetuated by bad decisions on the part of the family members. Now what? Do you still help? Or do you stand back and say, “it’s their fault, let them fix it.” or “why doesn’t the church take a more active role in helping this family?”

Aside: “why doesn’t the church…” who is the church?

When you hear God call, no matter the circumstances, you answer that call and you either obey or you ignore. When you ignore, you run the risk of distancing yourself from God.

Our choices are our choices, and that $5 that God prompts you to hand to the homeless man in the parking lot should be given to that man without questioning what he will do with it. That man has his own set of choices to make.

Your job is to listen and obey.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Pastor
noun 1. a minister or priest in charge of a church. 2. a person having spiritual care of a number of persons.

verb (used with object) 4. to serve as the pastor of: He pastored the church here for many years. Use pastor in a Sentence


A weight lifted Sunday around 6:45pm last evening. I was driving to church and I realized my shoulders felt lighter, and so did my heart.

All I can say is praise the Lord and God is always good.

Friday, June 11, 2010

The future

A month ago a friend and I were talking about the future and wishing sometimes that we could see what lay ahead.

We want to control so badly the direction our lives go. We want to be informed! As if by some right, we deserve to know. But what are the limitations of this knowledge? Who would lay the groundwork for what is known and what is obscured?

Often we ask God for an explanation of our circumstances—begging…, pleading…, crying out for a chance to see what these experiences hold for us. When we ask however, it is usually out of pain, anguish, or confusion.

But let’s step back to that filter, how could we just know the one outcome? Wouldn’t we be exposed to more? Being closer to omniscient than any of us desire to be.

Several weeks after the conversation, I had this flash of the future appear in response to a thought/prayer in my head. It was at once definitely certain and utterly horrible in it’s pronouncement. The thought is one I will not share with anyone because, God help me, I hope it was only an example of why I don’t need to know everything.

We would mourn before we were supposed to… we would attempt to change future events, in general we would be our meddlesome human selves attempting to alter what stretches out before us.

So as not to end negatively, perhaps you could think of the things you wish to do, the legacy you want to leave behind and live it. Today.

Be ashamedly peculiar.

1 Peter 2:9-10 But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own peculiar people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Loving Confrontation

There are times when it is important to deal directly with a problem.

I listened to someone say that to have a real relationship with someone, not a shallow/superficial one you have to go through valleys of truth, but that you come out on the other side having a meaningful relationship that has grown.

Conflict is hard, confrontation is something most of us avoid if we can. But as I listened to this man say these things I thought about a friendship I had. I tried facing the issue and having a difficult conversation instead of repressing it (which is hardly ever good) and in return got flat affect and dispassionate responses.

Then, slowly and with further pain I realized that really what I thought was a close relationship was me making effort and when in the presence of this person getting a response, but not ever being reached out to…

Construction on that bridge has stopped and oddly enough it appears to have started decaying. No one else is there to work on it.

Hard lesson learned.

But really, it doesn't end there, for you see, I have also learned to be more discerning and that confrontation always teaches you something. Even if that lesson isn't one you would prefer.

Just be prayerful and include a person who will be there to call you out if you are harsh in your tone or being unChristlike.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Walk by faith not by sight

Over the years I’ve had many conversations about outreach and inreach… one stands out right now, this man once shot down a woman who said she could not donate money for Bibles. She said instead that she would pray for the project. Mind you this was a chatroom conversation and so you know that this woman has some access to a computer, possibly her own. Not something I would take for granted, she may be living off the smallest amount of money possible and here is someone tell her that prayer is not enough… I was disappointed, his point was that there was always a way to help out beyond prayer and that you could FIND a Bible to donate if you were persistent. And I agree, but instead of making someone feel badly for not having that kind of disposable income, pointing them towards that place he knew of that would donate a Bible would have been more productive and uplifting.

Never presume to know what one person can do. That’s called arrogance.

Have a little faith, you faithless one.

Easier said than done, you say? Okay, so work on your faith muscle and don’t compare apples to oranges. Share your knowledge and rejoice that God has given you insight where others lack.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Island revisited

Christians are a disheartening lot. Whichever way the wind is blowing that’s the way they bend. I pause to question if that’s what I’m doing right now. My heart is trouble. What I want more than anything is to quit this thing called “church” or “corporate worship.”

The problem is that this I am the one considering these options. ME… and I pause because what if God has a plan that I cannot see in the middle of all the junk, what if right now the lesson I should be learning is that leaving conflict and confrontation behind at this church will only find me in the same state with different people at a different church?

I’m 30, I’ve watched people come and go in church my entire life… I didn’t notice it much until I was about 13, but it’s a trend. The fashionable thing to do… search for a church… try it on and decide if it’s a good “fit” for the individual or family. God is not apparel, so why do we do this?

My speculation would be that because we are fault-filled, sinful, selfish people we look out for ourselves before we consider the God-sized picture surrounding our lives—this world so much bigger than you or me.

Mind you, it is not the intention of this post to claim leaving one church for a different church is not of God motivated. Surely God moves us from our place of complacency to one of action and sometimes that means a different body of believers in a different geographical location (even if that location is just a few blocks away).

I simply fight the battle of those who desire to leave the extra junk behind and do the work God gives us without adding to it, “church” is not always the best example or facilitator to doing the Lord’s will.

Wistfully I think, “An island would sure be nice.”

Monday, February 15, 2010

Broken, bruised and fearful

Last night I had a text conversation with a friend… Starting with the words: “pray over it.” And continuing with the story:

This world is full of brokenness. Our hearts are fragile, and yet we sometimes act as if they are not. That we are tough and can handle anything.

The examples we live by are those of the people who surround us. We see relationships that are imperfect. We see people being human and doing what they can to hurt one another, intentionally and accidentally.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. It’s a day that has held little meaning for me because there’s only ever been once when there was a “valentine” for me and that ended before it began (not quite, but close enough).

I often steer clear of this topic, but today I’m going to share anyway, pardon an vagueness that you find.

Those imperfect relationships we see and grow up with, they color our world. Whether it be divorce, abandonment, abuse, bickering or some unnamed issue. Whatever it is, it can be crippling. I think the part that confuses me most is how children in the same house react so differently to those situations.

In the past and sometimes the present, I have found sometimes my decision to do something has an added “reason.” I applied for school and later had the thought, “maybe I’ll meet someone while I’m there.” This bothers me.

My friend said it shouldn't, and yet I find that it both annoys and confuses me. Mushy sentiment, I'm more of a "roll my eyes" sort of person not an "aaaah, how sweet," open cynic, closet romantic... kind of, but not. I can be very happy for a friend. And yet not for me.

I'm happy being single, most all the time, just now and then I have bouts of frustration.... The friend ended by asking if I pushed away from looking or hoping for someone so I wouldn't be disappointed. Often I repeat, but I don't want what they have (looking to the examples I know).

So, we are back to "pray about it."

Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I am your negative voice today.... signing off.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Send me a revelation

I was listening to a song on the radio Monday at lunch… sitting in my car looking out the window… the bush beside my parents house is over run with honeysuckle vines…

The man in the song was asking to be given a revelation from God--the thoughts crossing my mind where… it’s so bright and green and beautiful and then for second my eyes refocused and I saw the dirt on the window… and so I rolled it down and there it was, even more bright with white and yellow flowers.

We compromise all the time, allowing our idea of what is good to get in the way of what God has given to us. Which is very good and devoid of dirt and scratches or any other thing that might mar it’s beauty.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Seven years ago. When the radio announcer said those words I was surprised... has it really been 7 years?

And now as I sit at exactly 9:11 on September 11th... I think about how unreal it was to see on the television screen our buildings on our soil in flames.

I cried. So many lives. A friend of mine questioned my sorrow. I hadn't lost anyone and countries all over this planet suffer every day the shear horror and terror that men and women would inflict upon each other to make a point or to take some sort of political stand.

Why do we do this to one another? Because we are lost, aimless and in search of something to fill the emptiness.

Oh wandering reader... if your eyes should find this post, know that there are those of us who think of you and pray for you.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

What if they die without God....
Does it matter at all?

Monday, June 23, 2008

We have no idea what their state of heart is unless we talk to them....

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black tile
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Chorus:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide whats underneath
Theres a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
To ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work
He's buying time

Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Chorus

I've been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all alone
Brandon Heath

SL is not "inner city" like some places, but it's got some very rough neighborhoods. And the children within them are so precious--the lives they lead are so sad... heartbreaking really.

Brothers and sisters from different parents all over the place, drug using family members, parents in jail, run down houses (that look bad on the outside, and if they look bad on the outside, what must the inside look like?).

Their honesty and forerightness in telling stories from home of fighting with siblings... not the sort of a fighting I grew up being engaged in... maybe tumbling a little onto the floor, not so for many of them more like knock-down, drag-out and then:
"he peed in my shoes"
"well, why didn't you were a differen't pair of shoes"
"because I don't have any other shoes, we share, today it was my day to wear these". (6 and 8 were the ages for those two boys)
---
"she smacked my face against the wall because she thought I stole her CDs" (8 and 12 are the ages for the second set).

Very little parental input, very little support for schoolwork... no direction...

So this is FBC's mission field and some of the members of the church have been there so long they've forgotten that their little world isn't all there is... that pain and suffering surround us and sometimes we just need to take off the blinders....

So do me a favor and reread that chorus:

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

May this be your prayer, may this be your burden.... They are dying, do you care? If you said yes in your head, then what are you doing to prove it?

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Weddings

A conversation (okay three conversations)

(Identifiers: Logan is a friend of both Tim and Cassandra, the newlyweds, Ben is Tim's brother, both were groomsmen)

Directly following the reception

Auntie Pat: Logan is a nice young man...
Me: Yes he is...
AP: You're not interested?
Me: No, no I'm not.
AP: He has a nice singing voice.
Me: Yes he does.

An hour later
Pawpaw: What's this I hear about you and Logan?
Me: Uh, nothing...
Pawpaw: He seems like a good guy.
Me: Yes, yes he does....
Pawpaw: Okay, well what about Ben he seems like a nice fellow.
Me: Yes he does and he's cute too.
Pawpaw: You're not interested...
Me: No, not really.

Two days later
Coworker and I happened to meet at a local ice cream place, he stuck around and we talked. He'd spent the afternoon with the children's librarians and a Summer Reading Program promoter... Scooter Hayes.

So we are talking about just about everything when he asks me "how old are you?" I respond "Twenty-eight" and he says "Scooter's 27 and he's single"

----------

I must admit I'm better now than I used to be, it used to be that if someone did that to me I would get so angry... now I just don't care... thanks guys for your very fine support :-P

If you choose to click the link please watch Makeover Lady... it's good :)

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Name that object...


The impetus for this picture was an accident... it was behind what I was actually shoot--Just thought I'd share with you... once you've had a chance to guess, then I'll post a few other pictures to make it easier to identify... Susan you are so not eligible for this "competition" I showed you already so that would be cheeeeating!

Friday, May 02, 2008

Some people probably













think I have an obsession with flowers, but really, it’s just one of those obvious, colorful, eye-catching manifestations of God’s creation and I am awed and inspired that someone so big, so full of important people and projects to see to and prayers to hear that he would pause long enough to bless us with his living design, this place we live, this earth.
A patron brought in some roses for our dearly loved Children’s librarian and instead of keeping them to herself, she shared them with the public, so Susan and I played “snap-that-picture” today and I will probably (possibly) post some shots of those at a later date.
My next photo plan is to go strawberry picking and shoot some of those! Isn’t God good?

Camera Angles











Friday, April 18, 2008

How many, how much

How many slams in an old screen door?
Depends how loud you shut it.
How many slices in a bread?
Depends on how thin you cut it.
How much good inside a day?
Depends how good you live ‘em.
How much love inside a friend?
Depends how much you give ‘em.
~Shel Silverstein (from A Light in the Attic)