Mountains and valleys exist in each of our lives, I hazard to say that the handful of people that read this blog know more pain than I do myself. Borrowing again from a devotional, let me share a revelation:
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Cor. 4:18
'You may not realize it -- but problems often "speak" to you.
They say things like, "You can't get rid of me. I'll be withyou as long as you live."
"Your parents died from this and you will, too."
["This pain will never end."]'
I've considered leaving the church I'm at on multiple occasions from the time that I started going there almost 4 years ago--sometimes I hear it and I wonder, did I make the wrong decision? Should I be serving somewhere else?
Lately, I've just started asking God if I can leave yet--I know it's not my permanent place, I can feel that. Maybe it's the military brat in me--what some might call "wander-lust"--this desire to keep moving beyond what's right here. Not being fully sure what God has in store for me, wanting to see it, but half in fear, hiding. Knowing that I never quite fit-in anywhere I've been or where I'm at currently. Constantly feeling like a total outsider.
Knowing that really what I want to want... what I want to desire more than anything else is to be not just a "reflection of something" but a reflection of Christ.
In researching the word "desire" the thought came to mind "as the dear panteth for cool waters so my soul longeth after Thee".
Have you ever been so thirsty? Have you wanted, desired, craved, sought out or longed for any one thing with all that you had?
I like this next sentence: "Desire is a strong feeling [...] that impels the attainment or possession of something that is within reach" did you catch that last part, impels, meaning pushes forward....
Pain subsides, what we see on this earth, it truly is temporary. So what are you pushing forward for? What you see, or what you can't see?
2 comments:
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and struggles. I understand a bit about hiding... and about not fitting in. I'm fairly sure none of us truly fit in here, because we were created for a different world: a world without sin, a world of much more intimate fellowship with our Maker. Looking from the outside, everyone else seems to fit or at least have a place, but I often wonder if that's just the outside. Maybe, inside, everyone wants their real home...
And, for what it's worth, wander-lust is a blessing! :-)
'Eyes of a child'. We don't really try to fit in when we're a kid, guess it's that we're busy with having fun or having friends. There's a part of us that says we don't fit in. But we won't really fit in until we go home. Having friends is cool, but sometimes it's hard to place yourself as to where you belong. I've learned that sometimes people have to go, just so they can impact another life, or their own. Distance doesn't seperate the memories that we have together. You're loved by lots, and God's the number one person.
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