Am I my own worst enemy?

This evening I've been reflecting on my life and where I've been the last few years.

Stronghold, according to Merriam-Webster it is 
1             :a fortified place

2a: a place of security or survivalone of the last strongholds of the ancient Gaelic language— George Holmesb: a place dominated by a particular group or marked by a particular characteristic

When I think of stronghold, I think of something that cannot be breached.  

I personally have a stronghold in my life that has been a barrier to my living.  Living a life that is full.  I've said "no" to God about this stronghold for so long, I've simply come to accept its presence in my life without argument, we'll call it "X".  It is a matter-of-fact that X remains and it appears nothing will move X.  My shear stubbornness has cost me.

I know X is standing in my way of a better relationship with God.  I know that X is standing in the way of my happiness.  Yet, I leave X where it is.

A few nights ago I was recounting in my thoughts this one piece, my stronghold, and how I know it's a problem.  Years ago I let X go.  Unfortunately my stronghold haunts me still because I took it back.

If you knew X was the only thing standing between you and a good relationship with God, would you do your best to remove it?

I leave X where it is because I consider my keeping it as more important than God.  And that my friends is shear stupidity, arrogance, and shamefulness.

"What if..." my thoughts began this evening, "What if removing X would mean I could have A?"  Is that enough?  Is it enough to motivate me?  I'm going to tell you that it stung a little.  Not as much as it should have, but it did.  Why?  Well, because A should not hold move value in my life than God does.  The point was well received.  I hear you Lord, I hear you.

A few weeks ago I told a friend that she didn't have anything to lose by letting God have her struggle.

Me either sister, me either.

Where does that leave me?  Trying to extricate myself for the mess that has been a battle entrenched in my life in various ways for 20+ years.

Dear ones, don't be me.  Give it up, whatever it is.  That piece that you hold so tightly to that you might suffocate in the process.