Broken, bruised and fearful

Last night I had a text conversation with a friend… Starting with the words: “pray over it.” And continuing with the story:

This world is full of brokenness. Our hearts are fragile, and yet we sometimes act as if they are not. That we are tough and can handle anything.

The examples we live by are those of the people who surround us. We see relationships that are imperfect. We see people being human and doing what they can to hurt one another, intentionally and accidentally.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. It’s a day that has held little meaning for me because there’s only ever been once when there was a “valentine” for me and that ended before it began (not quite, but close enough).

I often steer clear of this topic, but today I’m going to share anyway, pardon an vagueness that you find.

Those imperfect relationships we see and grow up with, they color our world. Whether it be divorce, abandonment, abuse, bickering or some unnamed issue. Whatever it is, it can be crippling. I think the part that confuses me most is how children in the same house react so differently to those situations.

In the past and sometimes the present, I have found sometimes my decision to do something has an added “reason.” I applied for school and later had the thought, “maybe I’ll meet someone while I’m there.” This bothers me.

My friend said it shouldn't, and yet I find that it both annoys and confuses me. Mushy sentiment, I'm more of a "roll my eyes" sort of person not an "aaaah, how sweet," open cynic, closet romantic... kind of, but not. I can be very happy for a friend. And yet not for me.

I'm happy being single, most all the time, just now and then I have bouts of frustration.... The friend ended by asking if I pushed away from looking or hoping for someone so I wouldn't be disappointed. Often I repeat, but I don't want what they have (looking to the examples I know).

So, we are back to "pray about it."

Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I am your negative voice today.... signing off.